Wordy Wednesday: Chicks Before Dicks

It’s been a while since I’ve completed a Wordy Wednesday post, so I thought I would put out this week. For those of you that have come to love and adore my Urban Dictionary selections, feast your dictionarial (yes, I just made up that word but isn’t that really what wordy Wednesdays are all about?) needs on this:

Shitload – more than an assload but still less than a fuckton.

Urban Dictionary Rating: Likes it

My Rating: Likes it

Now I think most of us are familiar with this term, but I so loved the description that Urban Dictionary had that I felt it was a must include in this post. I think shitload is a definite classic that will never wear out. In fact, its so classic that Microsoft word even recognizes it as a legitimate word! Gotta love it, right?

Chicks Before Dicks - The female version of Bros before Hoes. Used by women as meaning all female friends come before sex/hookups/bfs.

Urban Dictionary Rating: Likes it

My Rating: Likes it

I dedicate this Urban Dictionary selection to my BFF who is also currently separated from her husband. We’ve definitely bonded through our mutual hardships and in our case I know it will always be chicks before dicks!!

Intentional Walk - When an individual feels pity for a fellow being and gives them a free pass to "first base".

Urban Dictionary Rating: Don’t like it

My Rating: Don’t like it

Seriously? How much loose do you have to be to ever let this happen? Obviously whoever thought this one up was a two dollar whore. I guess it’s easy for me to ride on that high horse seeing I’ve never done it. Call me old fashioned, but physical affection should be accompanied by actual affection - or at least genuine horniness, not pity.  

Mind Over Bladder - The power to be able to suppress any urination needs regardless of the urgency and pain it may cause.

Urban Dictionary Rating: Likes it

My Rating: Likes it

I have serious appreciation for this term, probably because I have yet to master it as a skill. I’ve attempted a great many times to accomplish Mind Over Bladder after leaving the bar, only to ask the driver to pull the car over while I run for the bushes. I’ve found that the trick is not to give in to that first urge to relieve yourself, because after that first piss the flood gates are open and cannot easily be closed.

Now prepare to be wowed as I weave these words together in a magical melody of fictional events: 

After enduring a shitload of heartache in a never ending sea of failing relationships, Jenney and Tammy decided to honor their newly adopted Chicks Before Dicks standpoint by ditching their dates to go shoe shopping.

They stopped at their favorite Mexican restaurant for a couple margaritas to celebrate their recent conquest of the shoe department at Macy’s. When their waitress came to take their order, Jenney couldn’t help but stare at the glaring red bruise on the waitress’s neck.

“That looks painful,” Jenney remarked.

The waitress followed Jenney’s gaze to the side of her neck.

“Oh that!” the waitress replied as if she had forgotten it was there. “It happened last night when I gave my co-worker who just got dumped an intentional walk.”

“A what?” Tammy asked.

“You know, I felt bad for him so we fooled around a little,” the waitress said. “I had no idea he was such a little vampire!!”

“Oh, I see…” Jenney stated and gave Tammy a disgusted look.

After their third margarita and Jenney’s second trip to the ladies room, Jenney looked at Tammy who was finishing her glass of ice water and said, “I can’t believe you haven’t had to use the bathroom yet. You’ve drank more than me and I’ve already had to go twice!”

“Mind Over Bladder,” Tammy retorted and began to chomp her ice to drive home the point.

The two best friends had a little too much to drink, so they ended up taking a taxi back home. Half way there, Tammy cried out for the taxi driver to pull over the car. Jenney watched with a smug smile as Tammy ran for the tree line at the edge of the road.

“What happened to Mind Over Bladder?” Jenney asked when Tammy returned to the car.

“Bladder turned the tables,” Tammy admitted.

“Well didn’t you see the gas station across the street?” Jenney asked.