Wordy Wednesday: Overjaculation

You lucky readers!! You’re getting two weeks of consistent Wordy Wednesday posts!! This week was a challenge that left me… well you’ll see. The following are my selections from the Urban Dictionary website this week and I purposely chose some doozies!!

Classic as Fuck - Something that is extremely timeless and will never get old.

Urban Dictionary Rating: Thumbs Up

My Rating: Thumbs WAY Down

This strikes me as having somewhat of an oxymoron feel to it, or maybe just simply moronic, because whoever thought this one up is clearly a moron. I think the word ‘classic’ describes something that is extremely timeless well enough all by itself without needing the word ‘fuck’ to empathize it. It does not emphasize it, in fact it degrades it. As far as I’m concerned, ‘fuck’ and ‘classic’ should never be used in such close proximity to one another unless you’re Stephen King who, I personally believe, does some truly beautiful work with profanity.

Nowhere Story - A tale or recount of an event or events that doesn't ever reach a particular point or meaning.

Urban Dictionary Rating: Thumbs Up

My Rating: Thumbs Up

I am the Queen of Nowhere Stories especially when I’m really excited! I’m like a little A.D.D. puppy on steroids when I get like this! I’m just all over the place with my thoughts and words. I believe I’m not the only one that suffers from such a condition and surely there is a need for such a term.

Data Encraption - The process which occurs when a computer or other electronic device corrupts files.

Urban Dictionary Rating: Thumbs WAY Down

My Rating: Thumbs Down

Encraption?? Really?? Maybe ‘crapuption’ but ‘encraption’? No! Sorry, encraption creator, you failed. Try again!   

Overjaculation - When you masturbate so much that when you try to do so again, all that comes out is a puff of smoke; a general fatigue of the genitals.

Urban Dictionary Rating: Thumbs WAY Down

My Rating: Thumbs Up

Ok, call me immature, but this is cute! I particularly love the description “all that comes out is a puff of smoke” Very clever! I was actually inspired to think of what the female term for this condition may be. I came up with Overcumpensation!! You love it, dontcha? Dontcha!!??

Shexting - Sending picture(s) of your feces to your buddie(s) via picture message on your cell phone.

Urban Dictionary Rating: Thumbs WAY Down

My Rating: Thumbs WAY Down

There are some truly SICK people out there on the Internet and this term proves it! I’m thoroughly disgusted and disturbed by this term, mostly because I’m afraid that this type of behavior actually exists! This term is probably quite useful for preadolescent boys, but there’s no room for it in the society of properly functioning adults. 

Now! I will display my amazing abilities to weave these words into a wonderful holiday tale, using some of my favorite bloggers to represent characters in the story. *Shudders as she thinks about using the word shexting in a sentence*

One afternoon Kelly was sitting at his computer downloading massive amounts of Christmas midget porn and “enjoying his own company” when he smelled smoke. First he checked his hand and found that it was still pleasantly damp from his previous seventeen ejaculations. Then he noticed the smoke was not coming from his hand, but from the back of the monitor. It was a classic as fuck case of data encraption.

Kelly quickly shut off the power to the computer (with his clean hand) and closed his eyes tightly. He tried desperately to cling to the last image of Christmas midgets fornicating in Santa's sleigh so he could finish what he started three and a half hours ago.

Moments later Kelly reached the peak of climax once again, and once again the smell of smoke interrupted Kelly’s special moment.

Kelly looked down at his member and saw that instead of an eighteenth ejaculation, he was looking at a small puff of smoke escaping from the tip of his penis.

“Overjaculation,” Kelly whispered in amazement.

He had read that such things were possible on the Reality Challenged blog, but only now did he see it was real.

  

He decided perhaps he should give it a rest and went to take a shower. Once he reached the bathroom the urge to purge hit him and he took a seat on the porcelain throne. When he was finished he was beyond impressed at what had transpired in the waters below. He reached for his cell phone and snapped a picture.

“That’s one for the books!” Kelly exclaimed to himself.

Then he decided it was too good not to share with all of his friends. He pull his cell phone back out from his jean’s pocket and began shexting all his contacts – even his mother, surely she of all people would be most proud!

Moments later, Kelly’s phone began to ring. It was his mother.

“What the hell are you sending me Kelly? Are you having abnormal bowel movements again? Is everything ok? Do I need to call a doctor??” she demanded.

“Well Mom, first I was going to take a shower but then I was suddenly hit with this urgent need to exceed. So I took a seat and right away I knew something special was about to happen. And sure enough Mom, when I finished I took a look and well, I don’t have to tell you Ma, you’ve seen it, it was the most amazing crap I’ve ever taken and I wanted to share it with you. So I took a picture and well there you have it!” Kelly explained.

“Well that was a nowhere story,” said his mother. “Thanks a lot Kelly.”

“No need to thank me Ma,” said Kelly “After all, tis the season for giving. So Merry Christmas Ma!”