Death Becomes Her.... Tonight!

Seeing Mother Nature decided to trick and instead of treat this year by dumping a half foot of snow on New England during Halloween weekend, I didn’t go nuts celebrating. Usually I’m in full costume hopping from party to party and living it up. However, between unseasonable cold weather and the chill that has settled in over my heart I just haven’t had the spirit to live Samhain (Halloween) up in my typical fashion. On the flip side, I couldn’t let my favorite holiday pass me by without at least doing something! So at the spur of the moment I have decided upon the perfect Samhain celebration.

Tonight I am going to offer tarot card readings for anyone that wants to get a glimpse at their future – or better understand their past and presence. Seeing tonight is the best night of the year to read tarot cards and it doesn’t involve me partying like an animal all night, I thought it would be the perfect solution to an otherwise washed out Halloween.

The reason it’s such a great night for tarot card readings is because the separation between past, present and future becomes blurred, allowing for ideal glimpses of the past, and of things which have not yet come to pass.

I’m unnaturally good with the tarot cards even when conditions are not in my favor, so I’m excited to see what tonight’s readings will bring. (It’s true that I have been known to make grown men cry with my readings.) I did a reading for myself last week that was eerily accurate as I drew the Two of Swords to depict my current situation. 

The two of swords (in the Sacred Rose tarot card deck) shows a man and a woman both blind folded with swords at their sides. Basically, it means they are not currently fighting but they’re also not ready to drop their weapons.

Translation: I’m currently separated from my husband and we have neither drawn a truce nor decided to divorce.

In other decks the card shows a blind folded woman with two swords crossed over her heart. This symbolizes a closed heart or a protected heart. In this case the swords are not forces opposed against each other, but forces allied against anything that might try to pry them away and expose what they’re guarding. If the barrier is broken suddenly, it will be painful. But if the barrier is allowed to remain it will become stronger and tension will build until it breaks on its own. Basically, damned if you do and damned if you don’t!

Translation: I haven’t allowed myself to feel anything toward my husband, good bad or other. In my case, tension is definitely building and I feel the barrier will break under the weight of my own heavy heart.

Although the cards differ from deck to deck one feature remains the same: the blindfold(s). In my case, it’s a face off in many ways with each party being blinded to what they do not wish to see. The blindfolds represent the unwillingness or inability to see the truth. It can be painful to remove a blindfold and see the truth, because even the softest light will blind those who have lived in darkness. However, if given a choice, I’ll take being blinded by the light over being blinded by darkness any day.

Translation: I can’t translate this accurately because I’m blinded – seriously. I haven’t been able to face the situation and see it for what it really is, so I guess I can’t say much about this. Or maybe, I just have?? 

 

There is a delicate balance between the two swords. The representation of each sword can take on many forms: good against evil, or the impulse to act against the desire to stay silent. Such oppositions are not easily resolved, and they can lead to a long period of confusion and stagnation. (Hello! Right here!!)
It manifests as a vicious cycle; one partner refuses to tell a secret and becomes defensive. The other partner is hurt and becomes equally defensive. This continues until the relationship falls apart or the tension is relieved, and such relief cannot come about through further defensiveness. The barriers cannot be shattered; they must be taken down brick by brick.

So as accurate as that reading was for me a week ago, tonight’s readings are like to trump even that one!  Samhain occurs in Scorpio and both represent the thirteenth step: Transformation. In the Tarot, the thirteenth card of the Major Arcane is Death, and it is ruled by Scorpio. (Me! Like you folks are shocked to hear that one!) So this will undoubtedly be the card I use to guide my readings tonight.

The card of Death doesn't necessarily mean physical death (though it can mean that), but more accurately, it can be seen as an inevitable heavy change or transformation. Something old must be gotten rid of to make room for something new. We should use the magic of this time to say good-bye to an old habit or addiction, an old relationship, or anything else it is time to leave behind.

So for those of you that cannot join me tonight, tell me what is it that you would like to let go of this Samhain? Tell me, and let my Death card work its magic for you… 

My Birthday Post

Yesterday I turned 34. Year 33 wasn't a great year, but it was a great age and I was sorry to see it go. I feel there are great changes ahead for me this year and I'm really looking forward to them.

As MM pointed out it rained on my birthday last year too. Last year he and I went to Plymouth MA and attended a ghost tour of haunted Plymouth, including the spooky old Burial Hill. I know MM didn't enjoy himself because he really isn't into all that spooky kind of stuff, but he played along because it was my birthday and he knew I would enjoy it. In fact, he was a very good sport and he kept the eye rolling to a minimum. When our tour guide channeled the Plymouth witch in the graveyard, I would even swear he was mildly enjoying it!!

We stayed at the John Carver Inn which I could feel was loaded with spirits before we could even make it to our hotel room. Walking down the long narrow, dimly lit corridor I felt a heavy sensation pressing in all around me. I asked MM if he felt it, but he didn't know what I was talking about.

Later that evening while learning the haunted history of the town, we discovered the history of the hotel. It used to be a medical university. The story goes that some very sinister medical experiments took place there. And when the Civil War ended and the supply of bodies to experiment on fell short, the professors started robbing freshly buried bodies from the graveyard out back to use as their practice subjects!! Yikes!!

Anyways although MM and I are not currently living under the same roof we did spend some time together yesterday - and I got to see that sweet, tender side of him that reminded me why I fell in love with him in the first place.

Then one of my friends took me out to see my first Burlesque show! IT WAS AWESOME!!! The rest of my birthday will be told through a series of photos...

The event sold out, and people outside offered us $100 for our tickets but we said "No way!!" 

Spooky photo of me inside the club....

When I got home I treated myself to a slice of birthday cake and a glass of wine in my new wine glass that my dear sister sent me in a package filled with other wonderful birthday surprises. 

And the most important part of the day... my birthday wish!!! Of course I can't tell what it was, but I will tell you all this, it was the best wish I've ever made and I'm quite sure it will all come true. You know why?? Because I saved the creepy witch finger candle that the tour guide gave me on my last birthday to use as the wish conductor!! I'm quite sure there must be some magic in that candle!!

The best ending of all, I got to go to bed with a big black guy!! 

And she lived happily ever after...

Wordy Wednesday: Cringeworthy

Welcome to another edition of Wordy Wednesday. Today, I have a special Halloween story that I've prepared for your reading enjoyment using some of the best and worst Urban Dictionary selections ever! 

Sporking - The act of spooning with the addition of an erection.

Urban Dictionary Rating: Thumbs Up

My rating: Thumbs Down

See now, this is where Urban Dictionary gains an educational value for me because I always thought that sporking was getting it on while in the spooning position. Now, that I know the real meaning I’m sure you all can understand why I’m disappointed!

“Sounds like my first time” - "That's what he/she said." the phrase "sounds like my first time" can be used in lieu. By definition this refers to the first time one person has engaged in intercourse.

Urban Dictionary Rating: Thumbs Up

My Rating: Thumbs Up

OMG!! It works! It works!! I even used it the other day when Peter said, “It’s too big for the hole,” I spotted my golden opportunity to try this phrase out and I piped up with, “Sounds like my first time!!” It was AWESOME!! The look on his face was priceless!! Of course, I may have wanted to try this phrase out on somebody other than the boss’s son, but when an opportunity like that comes your way you can’t just let it slip by you!! OMG! THAT sounds like my first time too!!!

Food Boner - when one becomes aroused at the sight of food. Happens in anticipation of a good meal.

Urban Dictionary Rating: Thumbs Down

My rating: Thumbs Down

Now maybe if I was a dude, I might find this term a little more likable – but probably not. Nobody wants to hear a cross reference to some dude’s package and the meal they are about to eat. (I realize there are some guy’s out there whose dreams are being crushed with this disclosure of information, but it is largely true.)

Cringeworthy – When somebody does something worthy of a cringe.

Urban Dictionary Rating: Thumbs Up

My Rating: Thumbs Up

This definitely works for me, probably because my BFF was the first one to introduce me to the word while accurately using it in a sentence regarding her ex. She said, “I find So&So cringeworthy, even when he hasn’t done anything.” Ouch! She’s one mean bitch!!

Counterfriends - The complete strangers you talk to at a house party who are assembled around the neutral, alcohol friendly zone of the kitchen counter. Like you, they may know only a few people at the party, including the super-mingling host, and are looking for counterfriends.

Urban Dictionary Rating: Thumbs Down

My Rating: Thumbs Down

Ok, let’s face it. You must have to be a real loser in order to find frequent use for this term. I’ll admit it, I have had counterfriends before, but it is the exception not the norm! I think if you accept this term into your vocabulary you might as well just stamp a giant L on your forehead!!

Now, for everybody’s favorite part of Wordy Wednesday, I shall amaze you with my ability to weave these wonderful words into a careful crafted piece of fiction!!

I was curled up on the couch spooning with my boyfriend, when I felt a growing stiffness pressing into my back side.

“Carl?” I asked.

“Yeah, babe,” he answered dreamily.

“Are we spooning or sporking?”

There was a moment of undecided silence.

“Sporking,” he admitted woefully.

“I thought we agreed we were going to wait?”

“I know. We did. It’s just… it’s just…”

“Just what?”

“It’s just I’m a guy and we can’t go that long without sex,” Carl whined.

I got up from the couch exasperated.

“I’m going to Jenny’s party. You coming?”

“No, I think I’m just going to stay here and have some alone time with my Vaseline,” Carl sulked.

I was ready and at the party in record time. I entered the party alone scanning the crowd for a familiar face. Seeing it was a costume party, I found none. So I made my way over to the alcohol friendly zone – the kitchen counter.

I smiled and said hello to the skeleton and the nurse standing in close proximity.

The centerpiece, an enormous bowl of French Onion dip surrounded by mounds of golden salty chips, caught my eye and gave me an immediate food boner. I selected a chip and was scooped a healthy portion from the bowl. The dip was a delightful mix of tangy spices that played a cheerful melody across my tongue. I couldn’t help but wonder why nobody else was enjoying this amazing dip.

“Wow, have you tried this?” I asked the nurse.

She made a peculiar face and was about to say something when something completely cringeworthy happened. A four foot gargoyle ran up to the bowl of dip and sank his middle three fingers knuckle deep into the dip.

I watched in disgust as he licked the dip from his fingers and then plunged them back into the bowl. He repeated this three times before his mother, the witch, saw him and spoke up.

“Anthony! What did I tell you about doing that?”

She came over and dragged him away by his tail as he crawled and screamed to stay within reach of the French onion dip.

I felt the remnants of the chip I had previously eaten slide down my throat.

“He’s been doing that all night,” said the nurse.

The half eaten chip halted in its path down my esophagus and began to resend back into my mouth. I reached for the nearest napkin and spit the contents of my mouth into it.

The skeleton began laughing at my misfortune. The nurse shot him a dirty look and he stifled his chuckle.

We immediately began a conversation about unruly children and irresponsible parenting. We began bonding over the mishap and I resigned to being counterfriends with the skeleton and the nurse for the remainder of the night.

“And he couldn’t use just one finger, he had to use three!!” proclaimed the nurse.

“Sounds like my first time,” I said nonchalantly as flipped my beer cap between my finger tips.

I looked up into their silent gaping faces and wondered if I had made a major misjudgment in counterfriend humor.

It was the skeleton that broke the silence first, with a gut busting belly laugh. I smiled thinking that I liked my counterfriends better than my boyfriend.

  

The Truth Within

I haven’t spoken much on the situation regarding my estranged husband. We’ve been separated for almost two months now. I ask myself what I’ve been waiting for – really? I’ve been waiting for the truth.

He always tells Girl Child that as long as she tells the truth, she will never be in trouble with him. Funny that he teaches what he does not practice.

I feel that if we start over it needs to be from a place of truth. I know that he hasn’t been truthful about his feelings and affairs. I think most people know in their hearts what the truth is and will recognize it when it is spoken to them. I have not heard the truth spoken, but I know it. I feel it in my heart. And if I’m forced to put my faith in anything right now, I will place it in the only truth I know and feel – the truth in my own heart. For once, I just need to believe in myself because that’s the only place where true honesty exists.  

 

To honor my own inner truth, I have chosen ten of my favorite truth quotes. Which quote is your favorite?

Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth – Budda

There are only two mistakes one can make along the road to truth; not going all the way, and not starting. – Budda

When in doubt, tell the truth – Mark Twain

Truth never damages a cause that is just. – Gandi

The object of the superior man is truth. – Confucius

Rather than love, than money, than fame, give me truth. – Henry David Thoreau

Truth is the beginning of every good to the gods, and of every good to man. - Plato

It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place. H.L. Mencken

To rise from error to truth is rare and beautiful. – Victor Hugo

There is nothing so strong or safe in an emergency of life as the simple truth. – Charles Dickens

The Breakfast Diner

Yesterday morning as I sat alone at a breakfast table in a crowded restaurant studying for my art class, I got distracted for a moment by life. Life, I couldn't help but notice, was going on all around me.

With my back to the table behind me I paused to take note of the simple-minded elderly man (also eating alone) who was having a short conversation with the waitress. I could tell by his speech that he may have suffered from a mild mental disability.

"I'm celebrating my birthday today," he told her. "Last night, I celebrated too. I went to Newick's for dinner. Now I'm here for breakfast. Maybe I'll treat myself out for Chinese food for lunch. I'm just happy to be alive."

I smiled softly, a sad smile, at the bitter-sweet moment I had just witnessed.

Moments passed and soon the table behind me became occupied with a foursome of older folks. Again, I was distracted by their conversation.

A man's voice asked, "How's Plenty of Fish going?"

A woman in her late fifties answered: "I haven't looked recently."

The man, "Why not?"

The woman answered in a monotone voice, "Because every time I go on there and see the men that want to date me, I want to kill myself."

There was an awkward silence before the conversation shifted to something news related.

But again, the sad smile returned to my lip as I realized life's little joke. I was literally sitting somewhere between these two tables. I'm not celebrating life and I'm not contemplating death. I'm just struggling to survive.

Upon further contemplation though, I decided maybe by struggling to survive, I was honoring life in my own way. And maybe that mentally disabled man had a leg up on all of us. Maybe, just maybe, he looks at the world and sees something most of us cannot, something worth celebrating. 

My Vintage Halloween

The fall spirit has found me!! Earlier this week I made fall baskets for my Scorpio friends celebrating their birthdays this month. I found maple candles and pumpkin spice candles and candy apples and apple cider tea and miniature pumpkins and, and, and... I dunno, just a whole lots of cool stuff!!

But I couldn't do all that for my Scorpio friends and not do something special for my bloggy friends too!! So because this Halloween has taken on a bit of a vintage feel for me this year I started a search for vintage Halloween photos. I tried to make a collection that would include something for everyone... So Behold and Feast Your Eyes on these wonderfully spooky vintage photos.....

Vintage Halloween Babes 

(Yes, Coffey for you!! - and for all the classy babes that follow me!!)

  

Vintage Masked Children

For My Bloggy Spooks (you know who you are!!)

These are some of the creepiest photos I've ever seen. Incidentally, they are also all children. Something about a child in a mask really makes my blood run cold...

Vintage Halloween Art 

(for all my artsy-fartsy bloggy friends!!)

Happy Halloween!!!

Zombie Bride verses Mistress Ghost

My BFF gave me a vintage dress a couple months ago and I'm DYING to try it on. I thought maybe Halloween would be the perfect occasion to wear it out. It's made up mostly of aged lace so I'm thinking I should go as a zombie bride or a mistress ghost... Here are some photos I found that I was inspired by:

Zombie Brides

I like her eyes. 

I like her lips.

I like her eye brows. 

Now this is the gal is the total package!! 

There was only one photo of a mistress ghost that I loved:

 

What I'll probably do is incorporate all the things I love most about the photos above and come out with my own look. I'm leaning more toward ghost only because I don't want to destroy the vintage gown with fake blood and the ghost costume will allow me to keep it clean. 

 

Which one is your favorite and why?? 

 

 

Calling All Bloggers!!

I tried changing my url from minutemanswife.blogspot.com to realitychallengeddreamer.blogspot.com but then some loyal followers started to contact me and tell me that they couldn't access my blog anymore.

Of course my first though was they were technology challenged and most people would still be able to find my posts - not true!! When I posted my Wordy Wednesday post I was expecting to get my usual dozen or so witty comments, but I only got two commenters!!

This told me the problem was legit, so I snagged back my old url (minutemanswife), but I figure there must be a way to change your url without leaving all your followers in the dark. Isn't there?? Does anyone out there have anything helpful to add on this??

Wordy Wednesday: Chicks Before Dicks

It’s been a while since I’ve completed a Wordy Wednesday post, so I thought I would put out this week. For those of you that have come to love and adore my Urban Dictionary selections, feast your dictionarial (yes, I just made up that word but isn’t that really what wordy Wednesdays are all about?) needs on this:

Shitload – more than an assload but still less than a fuckton.

Urban Dictionary Rating: Likes it

My Rating: Likes it

Now I think most of us are familiar with this term, but I so loved the description that Urban Dictionary had that I felt it was a must include in this post. I think shitload is a definite classic that will never wear out. In fact, its so classic that Microsoft word even recognizes it as a legitimate word! Gotta love it, right?

Chicks Before Dicks - The female version of Bros before Hoes. Used by women as meaning all female friends come before sex/hookups/bfs.

Urban Dictionary Rating: Likes it

My Rating: Likes it

I dedicate this Urban Dictionary selection to my BFF who is also currently separated from her husband. We’ve definitely bonded through our mutual hardships and in our case I know it will always be chicks before dicks!!

Intentional Walk - When an individual feels pity for a fellow being and gives them a free pass to "first base".

Urban Dictionary Rating: Don’t like it

My Rating: Don’t like it

Seriously? How much loose do you have to be to ever let this happen? Obviously whoever thought this one up was a two dollar whore. I guess it’s easy for me to ride on that high horse seeing I’ve never done it. Call me old fashioned, but physical affection should be accompanied by actual affection - or at least genuine horniness, not pity.  

Mind Over Bladder - The power to be able to suppress any urination needs regardless of the urgency and pain it may cause.

Urban Dictionary Rating: Likes it

My Rating: Likes it

I have serious appreciation for this term, probably because I have yet to master it as a skill. I’ve attempted a great many times to accomplish Mind Over Bladder after leaving the bar, only to ask the driver to pull the car over while I run for the bushes. I’ve found that the trick is not to give in to that first urge to relieve yourself, because after that first piss the flood gates are open and cannot easily be closed.

Now prepare to be wowed as I weave these words together in a magical melody of fictional events: 

After enduring a shitload of heartache in a never ending sea of failing relationships, Jenney and Tammy decided to honor their newly adopted Chicks Before Dicks standpoint by ditching their dates to go shoe shopping.

They stopped at their favorite Mexican restaurant for a couple margaritas to celebrate their recent conquest of the shoe department at Macy’s. When their waitress came to take their order, Jenney couldn’t help but stare at the glaring red bruise on the waitress’s neck.

“That looks painful,” Jenney remarked.

The waitress followed Jenney’s gaze to the side of her neck.

“Oh that!” the waitress replied as if she had forgotten it was there. “It happened last night when I gave my co-worker who just got dumped an intentional walk.”

“A what?” Tammy asked.

“You know, I felt bad for him so we fooled around a little,” the waitress said. “I had no idea he was such a little vampire!!”

“Oh, I see…” Jenney stated and gave Tammy a disgusted look.

After their third margarita and Jenney’s second trip to the ladies room, Jenney looked at Tammy who was finishing her glass of ice water and said, “I can’t believe you haven’t had to use the bathroom yet. You’ve drank more than me and I’ve already had to go twice!”

“Mind Over Bladder,” Tammy retorted and began to chomp her ice to drive home the point.

The two best friends had a little too much to drink, so they ended up taking a taxi back home. Half way there, Tammy cried out for the taxi driver to pull over the car. Jenney watched with a smug smile as Tammy ran for the tree line at the edge of the road.

“What happened to Mind Over Bladder?” Jenney asked when Tammy returned to the car.

“Bladder turned the tables,” Tammy admitted.

“Well didn’t you see the gas station across the street?” Jenney asked.

The Great Black Cat Scare

I rang my favorite month in with a scare from hell. Friday night I went out to see a band play with several of my friends. For some reason, I didn’t have my typical two glasses of wine as I took in the show. Instead, I opted for coffee. Just coffee. (OK and somebody bought me a drink, so I did the polite thing and sipped it in between cups and cups of coffee!)

Instead of feeling tipsy when I got home just after midnight, I felt quite alert and I immediately detected a scary noise in the house. It sounded like somebody had put a pair of work boots in the dryer. The house was dark and should have been empty.

I grabbed Roomie’s arm and told him I was scared. He told me to stay in the kitchen while he went to investigate.

A moment later he called to me saying it was my cat, Magic. I ran to him asking if he was okay.

I found Magic face down next to the litter box, panting and foaming at the mouth. He wouldn’t let Roomie anywhere near him but he came wobbling over to where I stood and flopped down helplessly at my feet.

The only reason I could account for his condition was some flea medicine I had given him earlier that day. I quickly got on the phone with the emergency vet and they instructed me to wash the area where I had applied the medication and if Magic’s condition didn’t improve I would need to get him to the hospital right away.

I soaked up a wash cloth with cool water and hand soap and went to town on the cat. Magic immediately began purring and I obviously took this as a good sign, but the damage was already done. He began having seizures and just looked half dead.

So I called up my BFF who lives a two minute walk from my house and asked her to come down and help me get the cat to the hospital. She was on my doorstep moments later and we quickly carried Magic out to the car.

The plan was for her to hold him while I drove because she had been out with me earlier that evening and had more to drink than I did.

We weren’t in the car more than three minutes before BFF started moaning.

“What??!! What’s wrong???” I asked already in a heightened state of panic.

“Your cat just pissed in my crotch!!”

Despite the situation I couldn’t help but crack a smile.

The vet hospital was a good half hour from my house and we drove on the rest of the way in tense silence.

Five minutes away from the hospital Magic had another seizure, adding insult to injury to BFF as he sunk his claws into her new tattoo.

Once Magic was in the hands of the vet techs, I let go and started bawling. The self-crucifixion began and I started feeling horrible for what I had done to my cat.

I never gave him flea medication before because he is an indoor cat, but he had been scratching a lot lately and I thought that maybe he had gotten them off the dog. “Just to be safe” I decided to give him a dose of liquid store bought flea medicine. I had no idea he would have a severe allergic reaction that would nearly kill him!!

The little monsters in my head started to take over as they dance around my self sacrificial fire chanting: You destroy everything you touch! You can’t do anything right! You destroy everything you touch! You can’t even keep your cat alive!! You destroy everything you touch! Your marriage is failing!! You destroy everything you touch!!

The only distraction was my BFF who danced around the waiting room uncomfortably in urine soaked pajamas.

"I have some shorts in the car," I offered.

She returned a few minutes later in her sweatshirt and my Nike shorts with her brown knee highs bunched awkwardly over the tops of her shoes. She looked like a version of Elmer Fudd gone wrong. For a that one moment the monsters in my head stopped dancing in mid-stride and just pointed their hairy fingers at her and laughed. (I don't know what I would do without that girl!!) 

Magic spent the night and the majority of the next day getting pumped full of fluids to push the medicine out of his system.

I went to visit him the next afternoon and he was pretty doped up, but he was very happy to see me and gave me lots of kitty affection. I think the vet techs were a little surprised to see how loveable he was because when they saw how affectionate he was being with me one of them commented, “Oh, look!! Dr. Jekyll has turned Mr. Hyde!!”

Magic promptly turned his head in her direction and gave her his best Halloween hiss, exposing a full mouth of razor sharp teeth. Then he returned to rubbing his head against my hand.

I chuckled. Magic is and has always been very much MY cat. He greets most company with the same degree of hospitality he showed the vet tech.

So I wasn’t surprised when it was time to take Magic from me the vet held him by the scruff and walked away cooing to him in a soft voice: “Now don’t do anything silly, ok?”

I grinned ear to ear knowing Magic would make them earn every cent of that $500 hospital stay. Yes, $5 zero, zero!! They actually charged me $33 to hose my cat down with dish detergent.

Magic is home now and he’s doing much, much better. We had a good heart to heart talk this morning where I informed him, “You do know you’re down to seven lives now, right?”

Magic look at me as if to say: “Great! I still have seven!! That’s awesome!! I’m going to go take a nap in the dryer now…”

And I’ll be damned but that's exactly what he did!! He crawled right into the dryer! I pulled him out, placed my hands firmly on my hips so he knew I meant business and said, “That’s not funny Magic!!”

He just flicked his tail in the air and strutted away. God, I love that cat!