A Grim Fairy Tale

I am in a funk, hence the lack of Wordy Wednesday in my blog this week. I am pretty sure this funk was brought on by the untimely demise of my best friend's relationship with her old high school flame.

See, she and I divorced our husbands at the same time. (We're best friends, we do everything together) She went on to reconnect with the love of her life and had lots of wild freaky sex all over town, while I tried to force myself to get back out there into the dating scene.

I would like to take a moment to talk about this forcing myself out there into the dating scene thing. I realized quite recently that this is what I was doing. I felt that I needed to have somebody, not somebody serious, not a one-night fling, just a suitable young man to call my boyfriend for a while. I felt this way, not because I was lonely or insecure, but because I wanted to even the score of some stupid game that didn't even exist outside of my own head. I was so hurt by how quickly I was replaced (I mean like instantly replaced) by some cheap bimbo my ex-husband remarkably found attractive, that I thought: Well, if he's moving on so quick and easy, then so will I!!! Stupid, I know. Why do we place such meaningless expectations upon ourselves??

Now just that very idea is ridiculous, but let's take a closer look at another one of my ill-conceived ideals about dating, shall we? Let's give some exploration to this statement: "I felt that I needed to have somebody, not somebody serious, not a one-night fling, just a suitable young man to call my boyfriend for a while." That right there is also completely screwed up. This too, I have quite recently realized.

There is no gray area out there!!! You are either just banging or you are in a meaningful relationship. Am I wrong?? I do not think so. This brings me back to my dear friend and her sad, sad situation with... oh let's just call him Jerkface. We will call her Miss Guided.

So Jerkface and Miss Guided embarked on that sacred journey of love - or so Miss Guided had hoped that's what was transpiring, but all Jerkface wanted was somebody to bang with no emotions involved. See? It's either serious or not, right?

Then one fateful night Miss Guided brought Jerkface and myself and some friends out to see a burlesque show. We knew one of the burlesque gals and she invited us to a little after-party when the show was finished. We all went and had a merry ole time - especially Jerkface who acted like a child at a candy store and went into booby overload and flirted with anything that shook her ass in his direction.

Days later, Jerkface dropped my best friend on her ass and announced that he wanted to start banging one of the burlesque dancers.

Now my best friend, who by the way has always been the stronger person in our friendship, is a broken china doll and I, who normally is the one falling to pieces, is taking on the role of the stronger one and helping her collect the shattered pieces of her broken heart.

Last night she came over and we shared a bottle of wine. At one point she turned and looked at me with the sorrow of a thousand sinking ships drowning in her eyes. It was enough to make a grown woman cry. I am still depressed just thinking about it.

I can't help but wonder why it is exactly that HER breakup is affecting ME so deeply. Maybe it's seeing the one person I've always seen as stronger than myself destroyed? Maybe I was secretly hoping along with her, that true love always finds a way and I'm shattered to find out that's just not always true. And maybe, just maybe I thought at least one of us was going to make it out of this gloomy place and into that shimmering sunset where Happily Ever After awaits.