My daily testimonies to how life can change in a minute... and other totally unrelated splatterings that amuse me.
"Not all material expressed in this blog represent the views of the blogger or reality in general. The events depicted in this blog may be fictitious. Any similarity to any person living or dead is merely coincidental."
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Valentine's Day Survival Video
Valentine's Day this year was a little like this for me....
So I looked up some survival techniques and found this helpful little video
Then my mother sent me this in the mail...
Love Smart: Find the One You Want, Fix the One You've Got
Valentine's Day was rarely ever good for me. I'm actually grateful I don't have anyone special in my life because nine times out of ten the men in my life completely miss the mark on Valentine's Day. It's better to be lonely than to be disappointed.
You are needing to chill out over this love thing.... You are loved by all the people around you, and until you finish grieving Minute Man, you won't be ready for Mr. Next or Mr. Right Now.
Sex isn't everything for me. I am enjoying getting laid, sure. However, maybe you don't know that I have gone one or two years without even as much as a french kiss....
So I have had the dry desert in my life, and now I have some mana. Let yourself grieve baby. Cry, pout and do the anger thing....throw a tantrum. Let the world know you were wronged by Mr. Fuck Head...
And then, only then, when you have grieved enough, go find someone to JUST FUCK. JUST FUCK means you don't love him, you just FUCK HIM>
That will feel great.... remember, don't get attached, just fuck.
After that, you will feel like a woman again, and some sweet, kind and loving man will walk into your life....and you will have the sweetheart you have been longing for.
Trust me, he's out there, you just aren't ready yet!
I just want somebody to share my popcorn with at the movies - and if he happens to have a big dick, even better!
Just because I'm grieving shouldn't mean that I can't date casually, does it?
As for being angry... well, I feel anger is just depression but with more vigor. Life is too short to waste energy and emotions being angry for extended periods of time. I already did the angry thing, now I'm just allowing myself to be sad for a while.
Duct tape does, however, make for a wonderful gift for that special male someone. Get yourself some chicken wire and you have almost everything you need to erect a bomb capable of causing E.L.E. I love me some duct tape.
Don't listen to Dr. Phil. If we did we'd end up on Jerry Springer. And then where would we be? Just don't sweat it sweetie. Live your life and if a nice guy appears great. If he doesn't, write a blog post! Love ya kiddo.
Oh no! Your mom, with the best of intentions, is inadvertently hilarious! Unless she meant it as an ironic gift, then she's a freaking comedic genius.
Wait, I just thought of something, if he wrote a book about love, that means someone has had sex with Dr. Phil! AAAAAAAAAaaaaahhhhh! Ew can you imagine his gross, face heaving above her, sweat dripping off that brillo pad on his upper lip, moaning in that accent. Ugh. No matter how lonely you felt yesterday, at least you weren't looking at that.
Screw Valentine's Day. There's no evidence that the bishop of Interamna was the patron saint of lovers. It's a bullshit holiday. Besides, showing those you love that you love them one day of the year is a disservice to them. And to love.
I'm afraid to watch these at work! :)
ReplyDeleteHappy Valentine's Day.
Eat a Cadbury Egg in protest!
Yes, be afraid, be VERY afraid! LOL
DeleteI hope you survive Valentines day! If you follow the Fun things to do on Valentines day list I hope you have fun!
ReplyDeleteI'm a survivor!!
DeleteIt will all be over soon....
ReplyDeleteValentine's Day was rarely ever good for me. I'm actually grateful I don't have anyone special in my life because nine times out of ten the men in my life completely miss the mark on Valentine's Day. It's better to be lonely than to be disappointed.
DeleteBaby Doll,
ReplyDeleteYou are needing to chill out over this love thing.... You are loved by all the people around you, and until you finish grieving Minute Man, you won't be ready for Mr. Next or Mr. Right Now.
Sex isn't everything for me. I am enjoying getting laid, sure. However, maybe you don't know that I have gone one or two years without even as much as a french kiss....
So I have had the dry desert in my life, and now I have some mana. Let yourself grieve baby. Cry, pout and do the anger thing....throw a tantrum. Let the world know you were wronged by Mr. Fuck Head...
And then, only then, when you have grieved enough, go find someone to JUST FUCK. JUST FUCK means you don't love him, you just FUCK HIM>
That will feel great.... remember, don't get attached, just fuck.
After that, you will feel like a woman again, and some sweet, kind and loving man will walk into your life....and you will have the sweetheart you have been longing for.
Trust me, he's out there, you just aren't ready yet!
YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL, JUST THE WAY YOU ARE!!!
KISSES!
<3 <3 <3
Umm... who said anything about love?
DeleteI just want somebody to share my popcorn with at the movies - and if he happens to have a big dick, even better!
Just because I'm grieving shouldn't mean that I can't date casually, does it?
As for being angry... well, I feel anger is just depression but with more vigor. Life is too short to waste energy and emotions being angry for extended periods of time. I already did the angry thing, now I'm just allowing myself to be sad for a while.
Dr. Phil? Seriously?? Please do not let that bag o' wind infiltrate your mentals. I am on my hands and knees, begging this of you.
ReplyDeleteInfiltrate my mentals??? LOL!! Not to worry, I filed the book away in a "special place"...
DeleteNothing kills your love life faster than Dr. Phil-billy. And last time I checked you can't "fix" the man you have.
ReplyDeleteNot even with Duct tape.
Trust me, I tried. That just gets you a restraining order. :)
Duct tape does, however, make for a wonderful gift for that special male someone. Get yourself some chicken wire and you have almost everything you need to erect a bomb capable of causing E.L.E.
DeleteI love me some duct tape.
Don't listen to Dr. Phil. If we did we'd end up on Jerry Springer. And then where would we be? Just don't sweat it sweetie. Live your life and if a nice guy appears great. If he doesn't, write a blog post! Love ya kiddo.
ReplyDeleteOh no! Your mom, with the best of intentions, is inadvertently hilarious! Unless she meant it as an ironic gift, then she's a freaking comedic genius.
ReplyDeleteWait, I just thought of something, if he wrote a book about love, that means someone has had sex with Dr. Phil! AAAAAAAAAaaaaahhhhh! Ew can you imagine his gross, face heaving above her, sweat dripping off that brillo pad on his upper lip, moaning in that accent. Ugh. No matter how lonely you felt yesterday, at least you weren't looking at that.
LOL. I am SO tired of my mom giving me "helpful" books :)
ReplyDeleteScrew Valentine's Day. There's no evidence that the bishop of Interamna was the patron saint of lovers. It's a bullshit holiday. Besides, showing those you love that you love them one day of the year is a disservice to them. And to love.
ReplyDelete