Contender for My Cup(s)

There’s a new kid in town! As you know The Gunslinger and Brave Heart entered into battle, but neither one came out victorious.

The next contender for the golden cups (C-cup extra perky) entered the scene last weekend. I have pegged this young bachelor with the name Trail Blazer because, as president of his own ATV club, he has embarked on a conquest to cut new trails through the wilderness. His ambition to boldly go where no ATVer has gone before left me seriously impressed. 

I was also impressed by the fact that he has a Bachelor’s degree and has used it to secure a career in computer programming. Plus, he is a homeowner. (Also impressive)

Friday night we met at a local restaurant for dinner. Afterwards, we went for a long walk through the park. Our conversation flowed effortlessly. He asked me questions like he was genuinely interested in the answer. Plus, he directed the questions to my face and not at my chest, which might have been challenging seeing I was wearing this dress… 

 















The next day he called to ask me if I would like to go to a movie with him that evening. It seemed a little sudden, but I had no other plans and a movie sounded  like fun. He suggested I pick the movie seeing he had selected the restaurant the night before, so we went to see Brave. (Super cute movie BTW) I know I should have picked Spiderman, but I wanted to keep things light.

After the movie, we stopped for a Margarita. Again, the conversation took off and I felt like we had known each other much longer than just one day.

When we parted, he stole a quick kiss. I’m actually a little embarrassed to admit, I didn’t even see it coming. 

My inadequate response must not have shown though because he asked me to make plans again during the week. I played it cool and said I wasn't available.

                         (Somebody smart once advised me not to be available ALL of the time.) 

I imagine my answer must have shaken him a little because he asked me if I was seeing anyone else. If you recall, that same question arose very quickly with The Gunslinger, and maybe a little too quickly with Trail Blazer as well in my opinion. Our conversation (via text) went a little something like this:

Trail Blazer: “Are you looking to date multiple guys for multiple dates or more giving one guy a shot that you are interested in?”

(Again, I went with stone cold honesty)

Me: “Well to be honest, I would date multiple guys if I was interested in more than one. However, right now, I’m only interested in one guy.”

(I feel he should have been very satisfied with that answer. No?)

Trail Blazer: “Okay. I’m just not looking to date everyone in town while trying to get to know someone that I like and would be looking for someone that shares that same mindset. With that being said would you still want to hang out?”

(Wait a second! Everyone in town??? Is it me, or is that statement dangerously close to insinuating that I’m a whore?)

Me: “Hmmm. It sounds like you are asking me not to see anybody else. After only two dates with you, I’m not sure how I feel about that.”

(Backpedaling commence)

“Nah… It came across a little weird. I realize it’s only been two dates. I guess I was trying to find out a little more about what you are looking for. Next time I’ll try a different approach.”

(Oh! Okay. He gets another date.)

I went out with him again last night. We went to karaoke at a Chinese bar. (Oh yeah, that was my idea!) He had mentioned that he liked karaoke, so I thought it was a good suggestion… until he got a glass of wine in me and convinced me to sing.
 
I tried to convince him it wasn't a good idea by using this cute line: "I just started to like you, I don't want to scare you away with my singing." 

But he topped it with an even better line of his own when he said: “I want to see the real you. No holding back.” 

(He best be careful what he wishes for!) 

Not only did that get me on stage, it also got him a strategically placed kiss just below the ear.
 
So the "real me" belted out Lita Ford’s Kiss Me Deadly with gusty passion… and I totally nailed it! 

I got fist pumps and high fives from the front row groupies on my way off stage. It may have been entirely possible that they were just happy I was finished. However, my date was still sitting at our table. So maybe I really did nail it! 
 
But that was the only thing that got nailed last night! 

Instant or Developed: Love Stinks!

So now that I’m back in the dating scene, there is one controversial topic that keeps presenting itself. Sparrow and I have had many debates on whether or not a person knows right away if their date has romantic potential.

Some people I have spoken to on this topic think that you can determine within the first five minutes of meeting somebody if there is chemistry. The last two times I fell in love happened very differently from one another.

The first time, I reconnected with an old friend and we resumed our friendship where we had left off. Then one day, after three months of being just friends, I looked at him and weird things started happening in my nether regions. (No, we hadn’t been drinking! Sheez!!)

We were parked at the beach under a starlit sky. One moment we talking about the silly things our mothers used to tell us about the moon, whether there was a man inside or if it was made of cheese. The next, we were looking at each other as if it were the first time we ever really saw one another.

Time seemed to slow down to the speed of drizzling molasses and our lips hovered a breath’s distance away from a kiss. For a moment, I hesitated, unsure of the consequences. However, like the earth and moon, there was a gravitational pull between us that was greater than the will of man. Our lips connected and it was the most enchanting kiss of my entire life. I saw shooting stars and felt the churning tide crashing inside my stomach.  When I opened my eyes I could see he felt it too. 

(The pop tent in his pants pretty much gave it away)

I would say the three years that followed consisted of the most intensely passionate love making of my entire life. We had sex on the hood of vintage cars, sex in the back of moving buses, sex in every position imaginable for hours and hours on end. Sex until I had to beg for mercy! Oh the sex! Even when we weren’t having sex, there was still such passion between us. Just a touch of his hand would send electric currents of love rippling through my core. Just a look from across the room could pull me to him. 

Our connection was deep, but our maturity levels were low. I wanted to move in together and play house. He wanted me to move in with him and his mother – and well, that pretty much put a kibosh on that little endeavor.

The next guy I fell in love with offered me everything Romeo could not. He was mature, he was responsible, he had a kid, he wanted to play house!! 

However, I was hooked before I even had a chance to learn any of these things.  I was hooked the minute he smiled at me. (And yes, now you all know the real reason behind this man’s name. He’s Minute Man because it only took me one minute to fall in love with him.)

His smile stopped me dead in my tracks. It was like looking directly into the sun. I was blindsided. I felt like I had just walked directly into a brick wall. Again, I was seeing stars. (It was a very serious impact) Like the stars, there was some cosmic force at work. I knew next to nothing about this Minute Man, other than he was very easy on the eyes and his smile made me weak in the knees. Looking back on it, I’m quite sure it was fate. 

Unlike Romeo, Minute Man gave me tools for life, instead of one between my legs. He taught me to talk about all the crazy ideas I had running through my head. He made me face my fears, instead of running away from them. His Girl Child taught me patience, innocence and compassion. He gave me everything I wanted, but more importantly everything I needed.

Minute Man was like a dream that began in beauty, but ended as a merciless nightmare. He taught me the most terrifying nightmares are the ones that slaughter something beautiful. Sometimes I don’t believe any of it was real, but we learn even from our nightmares, don’t we?  Real or no, I walked away with valuable lessons.

The point that I was trying to make 614 words ago, was I don’t think there is any formula for determining if you’ll have that special spark with somebody until it either ignites or fizzles out. 

You can know a person for a long time, and one day just look at them differently and fall in love. You can also be stopped dead in your tracks by an enchanting smile, which casts a spell over you from the minute you set eyes on them. I’ve experienced both instant love and developed love, but both times it went up in flames.

However, does one happen more commonly than the other? And when you’ve just re-entered the dating scene how much time do you allow for that spark to ignite or fizzle?

I feel like the kid in the Tootsie Pop commercial asking the wise old owl: How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? The wise owl said the answer is three. But I’m starting to think it might only be two.

I went out on two dates with The Gunslinger and two dates with Brave Heart, and you want to know what happened? After the second date, I never returned The Gunslinger’s texts and he quickly got the hint. Ironically, Brave Heart did the same thing to me.

Hmmm… Isn’t there a song about this… “He loves her, but she loves him, and he loves somebody else. You just can’t win!” Ah yes, one thing’s for sure: LOVE STINKS!!

Gunslinger Shoots Himself in the Foot

I went out on a date with The Gunslinger last night. Maybe “went out” wasn’t the best phrase selection though.

He suggested I drive to his hometown (again) and we meet up for pizza and a movie. (The rented kind.) I was a little put out because he had also suggested I drive to his place of employment for coffee, which I declined, earlier in the week. 

So because this was the third time he had suggested I drive to him, I felt compelled to ask him if he had a vehicle. He assured me that he did, and I explained my root of suspicion. 

At this, he offered to meet me someplace, but also stated that he felt more comfortable in his own town. So OK, whatever. I agreed to drive a half hour to his town. No biggie deal.

After our first date, he confessed that he was very interested in getting to know me better. So much so that he told me he has “stopped emailing and chatting with others online to put my focus completely on you, because I‘m not into juggling dates.”

This might have been sweet, if he didn’t repeat it four times. I started to feel like he was looking for a reaction or expecting me to say the same thing. When I didn’t, he asked me point blank if I was seeing anybody else. My mother taught me that "honesty is always the best policy", so I answered in that fashion.

“I wouldn’t say I was seeing anybody else,” I said. “I would say that I’m meeting new people and making new friends. I am ultimately looking for a serious relationship, but I believe two people need to establish a friendship before that can happen.” 

The day before our scheduled pizza date, I received a text from him reading:

“Excited to do you tomorrow night.” 

And of course my reply was: “Umm… WHAT??!!”

He immediately informed me that it was an auto-correct error and he meant to send: “Excited to *see* you tomorrow night” 

By now the red flags, I was getting were starting to resemble a dirt bike obstacle course. I hate cancelling plans though, so I shrugged it off as another small bump in the road. 

When I got there we decided to walk to a local coffee shop. Then from there we went for a walk by the river.

He dominated the conversation and I listened. (I’m a wicked good listener!) He started talking about his job, managing a coffee and chocolate boutique. When he casually mentioned that he “hated people”, I stopped him. 

“I don’t like that you said that,” I told him point blank.

“Why?” he asked. “People suck.”

“I resent that statement.”

“Why?”

“Because I represent the people!” I retorted hotly.

“No you don’t,” he argued. “You represent a person.”

I glowered at him.

He asked if I was hungry for that aforementioned pizza. I said no, because I wasn’t. I wanted this date to be short.

We went back to his place (mostly because I left my purse there) and I gave him one more chance at conversation. He started talking about his “asshole” father who used to beat him. Then the conversation shifted to his “crazy” ex-wife, who was also coincidentally the anti-Christ. 

And date over.

When we parted, he suggested that he drive to see me on our next date, if there was going to be one.

What do you think folks? Do you think there should be a third date with The Gunslinger? 

Brave Heart Goes Willy Wonka

Brave Heart and I went out Friday night and although I’m still unsure whether or not we have chemistry, I say can, at this point I am impressed by  him. It may seem like an odd way to describe our first official date, but I would have to say it was very efficient. I suppose that’s the military in him coming through?

I tried to take Suz’s advice and I encouraged him to take the lead. When he asked me if I was free Friday night, I told him I was and that I would be open to meeting him in P-town. I did not suggest what activities we would engage in, nor did I suggest a time. (Did I do good Suz? Did I?)

He took the lead without much any hesitation. Within moments he got back to me with a suggested agenda, which included meeting for dinner at Poco’s at six and then watching a theater presentation of Willy Wonka in the park at eight. 

I agreed to meet him at the riverside Mexican restaurant, making an internal vow not to eat anything containing beans. I parked my car at quarter to six, making sure I was NOT late again!! I sent him a text at that time to let him know I was close and would be there in a few minutes.

He was already there and he had already put our names in for a table. He informed me there would be a wait for a table and invited me to join him at the bar. He saw me before I saw him. I felt him smiling at me and looked in his direction.

He greeted me with a hug and asked if he could buy me a drink. I ordered a Margarita - with salt. He had a Samuel Adams. I don’t think that’s relevant. I’m just setting the mood.

Within a few minutes we were shown to our riverside table. I found a safe menu selection (coconut shrimp) and he ordered a quesadilla. The restaurant was busy so we had a long time to chat before our food came.

I didn’t mention this earlier, but he really enjoys photography. I am pleased that we both had an appreciation for art. We showed each other some of our favorite shots on our iphones. This is where I also learned that we also both share a fondness for dressing in costume and hamming it up for the camera. 

He showed me a picture of him dressed as a pimp, and another photo of him and a friend dressed as Wayne and Garth from Wayne’s World. It was hilarious! I almost shot Margarita through my nostrils.

Our conversation flowed easily and before I knew it, he was glancing at his watch, indicating it was time to leave to catch the show.

I offered to make a contribution toward the check and he quickly waved my offer away, like one might brush away a fly. I am not, I repeat, I AM NOT one of those money hungry hoochie mamas. However, it’s important to me that I know a guy can hold his own financially because I have been financially leaned upon too much in past relationships. I don’t expect any man to support me, but I absolutely require that he is able to support himself. I assure you that I will be looking for financial stability in my next companion. So the fact that he did not want my help with the check was huge.

(Now would probably be an appropriate time for my readers to take a moment to ponder what kind of unreliable, incompetent, jerks I have gotten involved with in the past. My answer to this question would be: My dick picker is obviously broken.)

We walked to the park and he stopped at his truck, which was parked very close to the park. There, he retrieved two folding chairs and a sweatshirt. Nice move, Brave Heart. Nice move.

Once inside the park, I stopped to admire a fountain. Then, I decided to make a move of my own. I pulled two pennies from my pocket and I handed him the shiner of the two.

“This here, is a prime wishing penny,” I said and placed the coin in his hand. “Make a wish and I’ll make one too. The trick is to wish for something vague, so later you can say it came true.”

We both closed our eyes and flipped our pennies into the fountain. Our wishes landed at the bottom of the fountain where they will forever be pissed upon by the fountain’s guardian cherub. I don’t know if I believe in wishes anymore, but it seemed like a nice novelty.

I wonder what he wished for? Did he wish for anything? 

He guided me through the crowd and he informed me that he had a blanket reserved for us. Sure enough, we spotted a fleece blanket with our names on it in the front row. Smooth, very smooth Brave Heart. You’ve got my attention now.

Willy Wonka was amazing! There was a huge bubble machine and it filled the park with bubbles when Charlie and his grandfather discovered the soda department of the factory. A bubble landed on my nose and popped, making me giggle. Brave Heart seemed enchanted. He reached over to sweep a strand of my hair away from my eyes and we exchanged a meaningful glance.

During intermission, there was an announcement stating there was apple crisp for sale and all the proceeds would go to benefit… blah, blah, blah, I wanted me some damn apple crisp!!

Brave Heart was already on it.

“Would you like some?” he asked me.

“I would share one with you,” I replied with my most demure smile.

(Oh, I had this!)

Brave Heart seemed pleased with my answer and offered to go get the bowl of apple yumminess for us to share. Moments later, he was back with the dessert, napkins and two spoons. Do you ever miss a beat Brave Heart? Do you?

The very moment I had taken the last bite, which he had told me was “all mine”, he swept the bowl and utensils out of my hand and was off to discard them. No, no you don’t ever miss a beat, do you?

The play resumed, and I rested my head on his shoulder while the oompa loompa brigade sang their song. He returned the gesture by running his hand up my back, bringing his hand to rest on my shoulder. (I may or may not have imagined what that would feel like nekkid in his bed, but the fact that this whole moment was sparked by an oompa loompa sort of sucks any romantic potential out of the situation.) 

When the play was finished, we brought the chairs and blanket back to his truck. Then he asked me if I would like to go for a walk.

A walk?? I immediately gave way to suspicion and my guard went up. What exactly did this guy intend to do on this late night stroll through the park gardens?? I took a step back and did a quick surveillance of the area. There were still lots of people out and about. I reluctantly said yes, but kept my guard up.

We walked through the gardens and eventually lighted beneath a gazebo. I sat further than arms distance from him. We talked some more, and I slowly began to relax with the realization that he did not have a hidden agenda and he certainly was not bringing me out into the park to put the moves on me. He simply just wanted to talk. Ok, now I feel foolish. Bravo Brave Heart, bravo.

We walked back to his truck and he offered to give me a ride back to my car. I accepted with far less suspicion this time. At my car, we said good night and I planted a light kiss on the corner of his mouth. No big deal. I kiss my mother like that. However, my mother has never once reacted with an unforgettable sheepish school boy smile, which replays over and over again in my mind‘s eye.

Two Dudes and a Little Lady

Ah, yes, Independence Day, another American holiday I have chosen to boycott this year. There is something about Independence Day that always finds me alone and I'm not sure I completely appreciate the irony in this. Even when I've been in a serious relationship, my significant other is always MIA on Fourth of July and I am left to fend for myself.

This year is different though. I'm alone, but not because I've been left behind. So it sucks a little less this year, I guess. Plus, I have some interesting new prospects on the horizon. I have news, BIG NEWS!!

I joined one of those dating websites. Not one of those free ones because I tried that once already and I found the guys there are just looking for a hook up. My reasoning with paying for a dating website is that if somebody is willing to pay for these services, they are probably taking dating a little more seriously than somebody who is not.

I've met two men. I've met two very different men. I find both very interesting and would like to get to know both of them better.

I was extremely picky about who I interacted with because I got about 50 hits in one day and it was pretty overwhelming. So out of 50, I found two eligible bachelors that showed potential. It was like I went through a whole season of the Bachelorette in like one week and skipped right to the final episode!! How exciting!!

Bachelor number one, who we will refer to as Brave Heart, seems to be what my mother would call "a great catch". He was in the Navy for twelve years. He received a medical discharge after a little run in with a bomb in Iraq. (All limbs still in tact) Now he is going to school to become a nurse practitioner. The medical training he received in the Navy has got him pretty far and he's basically testing out of all his exams.

Brave Heart is also divorced like me, but has no children, like me. (He's got a dog though.)

I met him for coffee and, like an idiot, I was late!! I hate being late!! I must have redeemed myself though, because he asked me out for a second date!! He rides a motorcycle and I'm secretly (or as secretly as one can get posting to the internet) hoping that he will take me for a ride... 

We've been texting, but so far he has yet to solidify any second date plans and his communication with me is pretty short and to the point.

Bachelor number two, who we will refer to as the Gunslinger, (Calm down!! He doesn't have a gun! It's his favorite book) has a lot in common with me. We both enjoy reading and writing. We are both Stephen King fans. We both have bad ass cats. We both dig cemeteries. We both manage tourist attractions. The similarities are almost unsettling!!

The Gunslinger is also divorced with no children. (He does have a cat though.)

The Gunslinger is very different from Brave Heart, because he holds a childlike quality. At first this comes off as being a little immature, but I quickly found that he also has a serious side. However, like Brave Heart, The Gunslinger also has some very noble qualities. He volunteers for a troubled youth organization and also sponsors addicts. (Apparently, he went through a rough patch with alcoholism and now he helps other fight their demons.)

We went for a lengthy walk through a historic cemetery on our first date and I felt very comfortable with him. He is SO funny!! SO FUNNY!! He too, was quick to ask me out on a second date.

Unlike Brave Heart, The Gunslinger has made his interest in me much more obvious and I'm not left guessing how he feels. His communication with me is more frequent and his efforts to get to know me seem very genuine.

Obviously, both men are awesome. The practical side of me is attracted to Brave Heart's stability and the spontaneous side of me is attracted to The Gunslinger's childlike spirit. So what's a girl to do? (Suz, I know you've been waiting patiently for the opportunity to help me out in this area, so please don't hold back!!)

Only one thing is certain, and that is joining the dating website has changed my perspective on dating. I used to think dating in my thirties was going to be restricted to men with nothing but baggage and issues. However, I've seen that there are a lot of good people out there that, like me, just made a few bad choices.